Funny gigs to tell friends

 

1. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.

2. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

3. Why don't oysters share their pearls? Because they're shellfish.

4. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

5. Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.

6. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

7. Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.

8. What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry.

9. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? Because he was outstanding in his field.

10. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

11. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.

12. Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.

13. What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory.

14. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

15. Why did the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.

16. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.

17. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

18. How do you organize a space party? You planet.

19. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.

20. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

21. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.

22. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

23. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be bagels.

24. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.

25. Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

26. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because it felt crummy.

27. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.

28. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.

29. How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it.

30. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.

31. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells.

32. Why did the physics professor break up with the biology professor? There was no chemistry.

33. Why was the math book unhappy? It had too many problems.

34. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

35. What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner.

36. Why don't eggs tell jokes? They might crack up.

37. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

38. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.

39. Why did the gym close down? It just didn't work out.

40. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.

41. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.

42. Why did the bullet end up losing his job? He got fired.

43. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

44. Why don't dinosaurs drive cars? Because they're extinct.

45. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

46. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.

47. Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

48. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

49. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.

50. How do you organize a space party? You planet.